How to help third-culture kids set down roots

If you work at an international school, chances are that you are interacting with many students whose passport country is different from the country of their residence. They are third-culture kids (TCKs) – in short, individuals who have spent a significant part of their developmental years outside the parents’ culture.

TCKs have a unique set of strengths and qualities. They are characterised by an ability to navigate fluidly between cultures, keen observational skills, multilingualism and an ability to see the world from multiple perspectives.

Accompanying this, however, are a unique set of challenges: feelings of rootlessness as well as restlessness, confused loyalties, unresolved grief and difficulties adjusting to the culture of their passport country.

Perhaps you’ve observed these signs in students who wouldn’t necessarily be categorised as TCKs. They then likely belong to the larger category of cross-cultural kids (CCK): children who have meaningfully interacted with two or more cultural environments for a significant amount of time. Multiracial and multicultural children, international adoptees, children of minorities and even local students who attended an international school can face the similarly confusing yet empowering experience of being stretched across multiple cultures and value systems.

Third-culture kids: considering what they want from life

I am an adult TCK myself: a South Korean growing up in Thailand, progressing to studying in the US and working in Hungary and China. I am currently working with TCKs and CCKs in an international school as a college counsellor. The distinct challenges and strategies of providing university guidance to multicultural students are therefore often on my mind.

How do these relate to university counselling? University counselling is, in essence, giving guidance to supporting young individuals in making one of their most important decisions of their life so far – where to proceed with their next phase of life after high school – and leading them through the strategies and the logistics of it. To help a student make a decision that is consistent with their own values and interests – in short, finding the right fit – is a common aim for all college counsellors, regardless of whether or not they work with multicultural students.

Given that TCKs are faced with a number of value systems and environmental variables that they have internalised and must come to make sense of, the decision of where to apply and subsequently attend university can be complicated. They may be asking some or any of the following questions:

● Do I return to my passport country or go somewhere else?

● Do I respect my parents’ decisions or try to make my own – especially if we don’t agree?

● Do I stay close to family and friends or explore a new place?

● Where do I see myself in the future? How should I decide to earn a living that may be different from my parents’ careers?

This choice is not made any easier by the fact that their friends are dispersing all over the globe – especially given that adolescents are often particularly sensitive to social cues.

College counsellors are uniquely placed to support TCKs with this decision-making process. The conversation you have with them may be the first time that they pause to reflect on the reasoning and values behind their motivations. So your time with them can serve as a potentially eye-opening opportunity for the TCK to think about what they themselves want from life beyond the safeguards of their childhood home – or homes.

Navigating the conversation

Here are some practical tips to help navigate this conversation:

Ask questions

Ask open-ended questions about what is driving them, and the various environmental forces that shape their motivations. Return to the aforementioned questions they might be asking themselves. Use these initially surface-level questions to identify what has come to be truly important to the student personally versus what may be important to the numerous people and systems they interact with.

Build trust

Have consistent conversations and build trust. Conversations about deeper values and motivations are difficult to share in a first or second meeting, so establish rapport with the student earlier rather than later, beginning with meetings in their junior year (Year 12).

Consider practical implications

Ensure that they have considered the numerous practical implications of studying in one country and pursuing a career in another, especially as students may have multiple destinations in mind.

Check in about finances

Consider their financial and practical backgrounds. Not all TCKs are able to attend university without financial aid, so check in about how much the family can contribute, and plan accordingly.

Use TCK status in applications

Use their TCK and cross-cultural background as an asset in their applications. The personal essays for US application are a great opportunity to expound on the strengths of their unique background, and this can also be highlighted in applications to universities in other countries. 

Working with TCKs is an enriching experience, as everyone’s story is rich and different. Use your role as college counsellor as an opportunity to provide unique support for a unique set of the student population, who will have much to offer to the world in the future.

If you’d like to learn more about TCKs, I highly recommend Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing up Among Worlds, by David Pollock, Ruth Van Reken and Michael Pollock, which delves more deeply into the unique benefits and challenges of the TCK experience.