Four students – and four important counselling lessons learned

The start of a counselling relationship should be one where the counsellor shows a great deal of curiosity about the student and their wider context. This is particularly important in international education, where the student body is incredibly diverse.

The following case studies give some examples of the ways in which it’s important to understand what’s motivating students, and to get to know them outside the counselling office.

1. Ben

When I was working in Hong Kong, one of our students, Ben, was very keen to apply to London’s so-called prestigious universities, such as King’s College London or UCL.

However, Ben had been born and bred in Hong Kong, had never left and had his whole family there. He was also struggling socially.

We suspected that, given his context, moving to London could be potentially very difficult for Ben. Based on what we knew, we suggested that he apply to smaller or campus universities, such as Durham or Bath, where we felt he would be more likely to be comfortable.

Being visible around the school and engaging with students outside the counselling office is not only critical to developing a trusting relationship, but also means that you can observe how the students relate to others. This is how we observed the extent of Ben’s social difficulties.

2. Catherine

Catherine was a high-performing student, with stellar IGCSE results and an IB prediction of more than 40 points. She was keen to study law and could have aimed for Oxbridge. However, she had anxiety and found the stress of the IB programme difficult to manage.

So, while on paper she could have been an ideal candidate for Oxbridge, the stress of the application would not have been ideal for her.

It is important to ask questions and to listen to the answers, as well as to be on the lookout for other hints a student may give you.

In a similar vein, the fact that a child is in a fee-paying school does not automatically indicate that the family can afford expensive university fees. In September, I had a conversation with a representative from UCL who told me that some Indian families were selling their treasured wedding jewellery, and making other sacrifices, to finance their children’s education. It is therefore important to encourage the student and their family to investigate the costs and the affordability of the routes they are considering.

3. Jingjing

For Jingjing’s family, perceived prestige was the single most important factor when shortlisting universities. Initially, her parents had wanted her to apply to study law at Oxford, even though Jingjing was completely unsuited for such a course.

A lengthy discussion with her parents (during which Jingjing contributed very little) made it clear that the parents did not care what she studied, as long as it was somewhere with a “good name”.

Additionally, what they perceived to be prestigious was based mostly on hearsay and dinner-party conversations, rather than tangible criteria. It was clear that Jingjing did not have a say about any of this, which was challenging for me to reconcile with my (Western) values.

Jingjing felt really disheartened, because she knew she could not live up to her parents’ expectations. We aimed to shift the parental expectations by targeting less “prestigious” institutions, still in the Russell Group, and a less competitive course – social sciences – that was more suited to Jingjing’s academic profile.

This helped Jingjing to stay motivated, and her parents were happy that she was applying to Russell Group universities. Reconciling parental expectations and students’ needs and wants often requires time and careful manoeuvring.

4. David

When I first met Year 12 student David, he explained that he wanted to apply to study law at Oxford, even though he did not have the academic profile to do so, because he was convinced that this was the only route for him to become a “hotshot lawyer” (his words). Anything less than one of the top six law universities in the UK would be a failure.

A look through David’s interim reports and several chats with his teachers quickly showed that, despite his strongly held belief that he would achieve more than 40 points at IB and 6, 7, 7 at higher levels, an application targeting the top institutions in the UK for law was unlikely to be successful.

Over a few months, we managed to shift David towards less competitive and more realistic institutions – although still, in his words, “good names”. Having realistic goals enabled David to remain focused and motivated.

Names of all students have been changed.